yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
