Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
