I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
