break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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