Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
