I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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