It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
