He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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