i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I know her cup size but not her name....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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