I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
