I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
