1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
