kristin has been a bad kristin
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
