These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
