he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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