A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
