i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
