Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
