i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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