I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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