hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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