Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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