just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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