Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Who died my cat blue again?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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