i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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