Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
