I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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