I'm drive I can fine osifer
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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