If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We're too hungover to prance.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
