Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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