Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
