Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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