I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
