nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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