...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
