I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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