you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
