I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
