I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
