please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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