Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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