I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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