you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
