Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
