Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
