got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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