I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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