I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
