I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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