Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
